There Will Be Brawl - The Novelization (Ep 5 up!)

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Re: There Will Be Brawl - The Novelization (Ep 5 up!)

Post  Intactus on Tue Sep 29, 2009 11:08 pm

If you have the creators on your side in the matter? FUCKING JUMP!

In all seriousness, great work my man.

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Re: There Will Be Brawl - The Novelization (Ep 5 up!)

Post  Cena on Wed Sep 30, 2009 8:55 am

Wow, people like it, huh? I guess I should finish it, then. I'll get on it as soon as I find my notes - chap 5 is still in development. ^^;

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Re: There Will Be Brawl - The Novelization (Ep 5 up!)

Post  Cena on Sun Nov 22, 2009 12:27 pm

Double post for great justice: Chap 5 is now up!

Chapter 5
Monsters

Darkness crept through the alleys as Luigi followed the small man known as the End of Days. He could not help but be frightened by the man; Luigi had seen eccentric in his days, but a man of his age in a botched excuse for a space suit, coupled with the dark look on his face, did nothing to ease the green Mario Brother. Even the immigrants shied away from them as they walked; he might have had a history of bullying.

Their eyes reminded me of the cannibal’s reign. Peach’s eyes were-a never scared.

At last, a destination. The End of Days rounded a corner into a fenced-off area. Inside, he removed a tarp from a small metal box. Was it supposed to be a makeshift spaceship? Luigi’s unease grew worse as he was beckoned in, and worse as he entered. If the man had been going for a spaceman theme, he had achieved it; there were panels, knobs, and buttons, similar to the ones from the shuttles of old, and monitors with radars and star maps, with paper versions taped to the walls. The most confusing items accompanied them, including a long garden-pot with strange plants Luigi swore he’d seen somewhere, an sandbag with eyes, and an odd-looking robot. What exactly this man could offer Ganon, Luigi did not know.

But there would be time, later, to contemplate the man’s sanity. “Do you know why I was sent here?” Luigi asked as the End of Days removed his helmet, revealing a nearly-bald head.

Silence. And then, a response. “When the final darkness comes…” he said with a calm voice that did nothing to sooth Luigi, “the Earth herself will open up to devour us. Salvation comes only to those who may…escape her, completely.”

Confused as he was, Luigi thought it was best to play along. “R-right,” he said.

“Hey, buddy!” the man said, to seemingly no one, before Luigi realized that he was speaking to the sandbag. For a second, Luigi thought that it would respond, but it remained silent. “He says ‘Hello’,” the End of Days said, ignoring the silence.

“…hi,” he responded.

“Old man Ganon’s still shrewd,” the End of Days said, continuing as though he had not spoken to an inanimate object. He began pulling plants from the pot, which Luigi recognized as Pikmin, sentiment plant-like creatures. “He sees how close we are! Knows it’s bio-warfare…and darkest magic that will…open hell’s maw.”

As he spoke, he picked up a knife from a niche in a wall. Luigi braced himself for the worse.

“And the whole world just needs that little…push.”

He slammed the Pikmin down and, as Luigi had suspected he would, he began slicing them to pieces. Luigi found it difficult to suppress a face of disgust.

The End of Days continued, in the same creepily-casual voice as before; he might have been slicing vegetables for soup. Luigi did not put this past him. “He’s afraid, though, of that darkness, and those who dwell beyond it.

“Ain’t that right, R.O.B.?” he called, again to seemingly nowhere, but Luigi knew this time, who he spoke to – the robot gathering dust in the corner. “Wise words, my friend,” he continued, as if the Robotic Operating Buddy had spoken.

Once again speaking to Luigi, he said, “R.O.B. here…he’s been around since the beginning. He’s seen everything. He’s seen the world in bloom…” And then, in the most vile, evil, enjoying voice, “and the blackest demons dance.” He scooped up the cut Pikmin into a capsule. “Pretty soon…there’ll be nothing left to observe.”

But Luigi was not paying attention. The sandbag had caught his eye. It almost seemed to peer into his soul. The End of Days continued speaking. “The kingdom’s as dead…as dead as your princess.

“That just about does it,” he said, sealing the capsules, the sickest smile painting his round face.

“She’s-a not dead.” The words left Luigi without him thinking it, but stood nonetheless resolute. He took the mysterious capsules, once again pondering what Ganon would want with them.

The End of Days was too busy observing the Triforce now. “Can you believe this once had the power to enthrall even the all-mighty bandit king…? Just another relic, now…” As he spoke he, he placed the pendant around R.O.B.’s neck. “Even the gods have been…swallowed up. When you see the old man…” He addressed Luigi again, “tell him to set his fear aside. Let him…welcome the darkness.

Luigi took this as his cue to leave. He turned to do so, but heard the man speak again.

“When the princess dies…the kingdom crumbles. And you will beg for death…” His voice grew closer. “As the beast…” Luigi braced himself. “…feasts…upon…you…in…that…darkness!

Though he saw it coming, he was no less prepared for it. Luigi succumbed to the chloroform-laced cloth clasped upon his nose, and, as if the End of Days’ prediction had come true, the darkness swallowed him once again.

- - - -

There was only silence. Until a weak female voice echoed in the black. “Luigi…help me…”

“Daisy!?” he called out.

“Luigi?” the voice called again. “Help me…!”

And then, a scream. And silence reigned again.

- - - -

Luigi awoke with a start. If the last dream had only seemed realistic, this one was realistic. It took him several moments to realize where he was – an old-looking garage with remnants of a happy past. It took another to notice the hooked-nose face of the king of thieves, Ganon, standing in front of him, sardonic grin on his face.

“Looks like you two hit it off, hmm…?” he said.

It took a second for Luigi to remember the previous night’s events. “…what-a did he a-make you!?” he asked, panicked.

“Oh…did the spaceman spook ya?” Ganon said, making no effort to hide his sneer. “Don’t worry about these…” He held one of the capsules in his hand. “It’s just enough firepower to keep the pressure on the other dons.”

“I came-a through for you!” Luigi said, remembering his intent. “Where’s-a Bowser!?”

Ganon paced, the sneering smile not leaving him. “Word is the penguin’s parlaying in an hour. No one knows with who…but the fat fuck seems to think he’s ending this turf war. Might be…he’s teamed up with the turtle in exchange for protection against the cops. Either way…” He turned to a figure in the corner that was holding a small TV; it was Donkey Kong, wearing the same vacant stare as before. “There’s something you should know.”

The TV turned on. The mid-day news program was on, and the news anchor, Lakitu, was talking about “mafia related warfare” and someone named Ike who had received a medal and “remained in critical condition”. Could he be… Luigi tried to get up, but what seemed like hours of fatigue struck him.

“You’ve been out for some time…thought you might want to see this,” Ganon said, pointing to the broadcast.

“…Police Chief Link has prepared a statement to assay the fears of Mushroom Kingdom citizens, and we now go, live, to Police Chief Link.”

A cut-away later, the faux-just face of the Hylian chief appeared, accompanied by police captain Zelda and one of the officers who had fought in the alley the night before. Marth, he was called. “Critical condition…” Could that other cop, Ike, be his partner? He seemed solemn enough.

“We must rise from our grief with strength and conviction,” the chief was saying. Nothing more than political spin. “In these trying times, it is my duty to bestow upon Zelda, the title of acting princess…until such time as our beloved princess Peach…is fit to resume leadership.”

All around the kingdom, people took notice immediately. The Pokemon trainer Red was tending to injured Pokemon with his fellow trainer Leaf, who was first to notice, a look of confusion on her face as she brought it to his attention. Mario, inebriated as he was, took notice instantly as he watched from his bathtub, clutching a Peach plushie. At her bar, Samus sat, shocked, although she was not the one; conversation had broken out and swallowed the bar.

“Under Zelda,” Link continued, “we will unite our shattered kingdom, and wrest ourselves free of the evils that beset us! The coronation will be broadcast live, for the benefit of our great nation’s moral.”

The broadcast ended. Although this had some effect on Luigi, he chose not to express his rage physically, opting instead to voice his feelings. “That son-of-a-bitch.”

“Just wanted to let you know that you’ve put in with the right man,” Ganon said, patting Luigi on the shoulder. “Kong will take you to the penguin’s nest.” And then, with a voice that dripped content, he spoke to Donkey Kong. “If I ever need you again, you’ll know.”

The once-mighty gorilla walked out, a defeated look in his eyes.

“You know he was the original damenapper, that one?” Ganon said to Luigi, half-amused, half-disgusted. “Oldest trick in the book. Started when he was snatching…um…what’s-her-name? Such a legacy.” A reminiscent sigh escaped his lips. And then, in an unnerving change of attitude from cheerful to contemptuous, he continued. “You know how easy it was to get him to do this kind of grunt work? It’s disgusting. None of us’ve got any pride anymore.”

Inter-mafia dons…senseless turf killings…as I enter this den of upscale sleaze, I can’t help but hope that I’ve put in with the right man, and that the world Peach is fighting to restore is only one sunrise away.

- - - -

It was mid-afternoon, as far as Luigi could tell, as Donkey Kong led him to a bar downtown. It wasn’t conspicuous by any means; couples sat, people laughed, everyone was having a great time. There was a barmaid, a beautiful brunette with golden hoop earrings and a plain, but no less beautiful, red dress. Luigi swore he had seen her before, and stopped briefly to study her. Donkey Kong pushed him forward, apparently angered by his sudden pause.

The reached a backroom. From within, a beautiful song was carried by the musty air, played on a flute-like instrument. As he entered, he saw three scantily-clad women. The brunette with wild, lace-like curls and a purple nighty was a woman Luigi recognized as Captain Syrup, a notorious pirate on the high seas. But it couldn’t be…

Still more surprising was the sight of Rosalina, a woman who was once guardian of the stars. She was reading a book at a table, wearing a teddy of the exact same shade of pale blue as the dress she had worn during their adventures; she flitted her hair around as if to gain attention.

Another woman sat at the same table; short green hair framed her overly-young face and, to Luigi’s disgusted amusement, her rather large breasts were covered by a hunter-green string bikini. Evidently, she was the one playing the tune, for she removed the mouthpiece of a battered old ocarina from her mouth as the most impish, childish grin etched her face. Luigi then realized that she was the Kokiri teen named Saria. Last he checked, she was much older than her appearance, that of a 15 year old, but she was clearly more well-endowed than a 15-year-old; perhaps the Don had paid for her enhancements. Was she marketed directly at pedophiles? Disgusted with himself, Luigi looked to the pictures decorating the tables.

There were three. The first was of a beautiful Toadette who wore a skimpy kimono. The second was of an intensely beautiful woman in what looked like western clothing, with squinted, almond-shaped eyes that only added to her allure. The third was of a man in lacy clothing that Luigi knew was Pit, the angel that he had seen the night previously with Captain Falcon. Before he could continue, though, a jolt of lightning, or something like it, struck his ass. He turned, and was surprised to see the skin-tight Zero Suit of Samus Aran leaning against a wall, a smile of both amusement and surprise on her face, with an electric whip protruding from a strangely-crafted pistol in her hand.

“Luigi! Didn’t think you were into this scene nowadays!” she called, clearly amused.

“I’m-I’m-a not! I’m here to see-a Dedede!” Luigi replied, nonplussed.

“Sure you are, big guy,” she said with an air of non-believing.

“What are you doing here?” Luigi asked.

Samus made to respond, but then hesitated, choosing to place her hands on Luigi’s shoulders. She smiled, hesitated once again, and then said, with seeming reluctance, “It’s all just business, sugar. Come on.” She beckoned him in.

Before they could cross the shawl that covered the Don’s room, a booming voice called out. It was an authoritarian voice, but there was an amused and relaxed nature to that authority. “What makes you think you can cover that much profit loss!?”

“There’s nothing wrong with my sales,” replied an arrogant voice.

“In this fuckin’ climate?” the booming voice called, angrier still.

“It’s the best we can do with the cops putting the choke-“

“You leave the cops to me, cherub!”

It was then that Samus decided the subject could be debated after her own, and crossed the shawl. Luigi followed, a bit at odds with interrupting the man he was about to speak to.

The first impression that people get when meeting Dedede of Dreamland was that his girth made him seem like an impressive man, or penguin. It was the eyes that lowered their defenses – the relaxed look on his face gave way to an amicable-enough mafia leader. And then the beak, his most powerful feature, strong yet subtle in its small size. Today, his eyes wore an expression of lacked sleep, ironic because of his clothing which, oriental in style, looked rather like a set of yellow-and-orange pajamas and red robe, clashing magnificently with his blue feather-fur.

Upon seeing Samus, Dedede spoke, with heavy contempt. “Who let this cocksucker in?”

“Your men are still on my streets, De,” she replied, also with contempt. “As of tonight, for every one I see, you lose one working stiff.”

As she spoke, Luigi scanned his surroundings. On Dedede’s left sat two women. The first was s large and busty woman, bushy hair teased up in a top-of-head ponytail. She had an almost secretarial look about her. The second was the almond-eyed woman from one of Dedede’s pictures, more beautiful in life, a bottle of Lon-Lon Milk in hand. She smiled a bit too kindly at Luigi. On Dedede’s right, were two others – the man, to Luigi’s amusement, was Lil’ Mac, the boxer that was bouncer to the club where Samus had performed. The woman he was making out with looked oriental, with ridiculously long teal hair trailing behind her. Pit was also in the room, standing in a corner; apparently, he was the one that was to “cover profit loss.”

“A mistake I will quickly fix, if it means seeing less of your pretty face,” Dedede said, the last three words dripping with sarcasm. Samus smiled coldly in response. “The last thing this city needs is more bloodshed.

“I believe our business here is done,” he added.

“Not quite,” Samus said, stepping forward. “My friend here has a few words of his own.” She beckoned Luigi forward.

“My name is-a Luigi,” he said. Introducing himself seemed like the best course of action, so as to not come off as pretentious. “I’m here to see the Don.”

Dedede chuckled. “Luigi himself! As if I didn’t know! Malon,” he said, looking at the beautiful Hylian brunette, “make this man at home.”

The woman, Malon, got up and strode to Luigi. She got a little too close to him and said “Take your coat, mister?”

Luigi shied away and said “I’ll-a keep it.”

“This’ll go a lot easier if-“ she persisted.

Another day, another time, Luigi would have succumbed. Today, however, he had intent. “I’m-a not here for you.”

“You’re on stage soon,” Dedede said. “Go get Epona. You, too, cherub.” He spoke to Pit, and then, to the room at large, “you know, all of you. Out! Go on. Leave.” As Lil’ Mac got up to leave, Dedede added, “Oh, and, Mac, you’re going down in the third round. Don’t forget.” Mac did not take this lightly, but chose to tap his chosen escort’s ass hard instead. To Luigi’s surprise, she smiled.

“My condolences on the princess,” Dedede smiled, addressing Luigi again. “Kidnapped again, huh? Where’s your brother…?”

“He…he’s-a not with me,” Luigi said. “He’s-a taking it…hard.” These seemed the right words to summarize Mario’s current condition.

“Well, we all grieve in our own ways, I s’pose,” said Dedede.

- - - -

Meanwhile, the other Mario brother found himself in the exact same bar as his brother, though within the bar itself. Mario had a long history with this establishment and an even longer history with the barmaid in the red dress and hoop earrings.

“…Pauline…” Mario said. It was hard to form words when he was drunk, but he managed. Years of experience worked in his favor.

The barmaid noticed him, wearing an expression of surprise and enjoyment. “Well…if it isn’t the Jumpman,” Pauline said. “Figured I’d see you again with her highness missing…took you longer than usual.”

“You’re-a looking good,” said Mario, a vague, drunken attempt at flirting.

“You’ve been drinking,” Pauline replied matter-of-factly.

Making no effort to hide this, Mario pressed on. “Why-a stop a good-a thing? Why don’t-a you take fifteen and come-a catch up with me?”

Pauline smiled and rolled her eyes.

- - - -

“What can I do ya for?” Dedede said to Luigi. “I have an important meeting, I’m regret to say.”

“Then I’ll-a be quick. I need to talk to-a Bowser, and you two are-a meeting tonight-a-“

“Now, wait a minute, now,” Dedede said defensively. “There ain’t no parlays. Not in this war.”

Frustrated, Luigi pressed on. “I was told-a this war ends tonight.”

“Then you were told right, mah-boy, “said Dedede, “but I’d sooner go celibate than climb into bed with any turtles.

Frustration mounted within Luigi. He had gone to hell and back to get this connection, and for what? A perverted penguin who didn’t seem evil enough to be a Don? He hit a framed picture of the penguin, flinging it from its spot on a table. It was not much, but Luigi knew better than to attack a contact.

“Careful, there, cupcake!” Samus said, in an attempt to calm him.

“I was sent here for a reason!” shouted Luigi. “Peach goes-a missing on the same day that Mewtwo turns up-a dead, and now Zelda’s about to be crowned! This goes deep.”

“I know what you’re thinking, Luigi,” said Dedede. It was unlike him, the serious tone. “You look at me and you see a fat, sloppy hedonist. A dopey pushover that’s grown too big for his parka. The Koopas may be made of steel on the outside, but I’ve faced worse…with far less. Believe you in me. I’ve had my share of monsters.”

They had arrived at that touchy subject. Samus looked awkwardly between the two, expecting Luigi to explode. But he spoke, calmly. “I know. You knew Kirby before any of us-a did.”

“Ya know, I always hated that you got to that Pinko before I did? I was still trying to keep Dreamland together when Meta Knight went off to track him down,” Dedede wore an expression of deepest remorse. “He knew I couldn’t save our home without him. But he was obsessed! So I…carved a new place for myself out there…waited for my second chance to get back that fuckin’ puffball.”

“The Koopas may have the muscle…” he said as he lifted the hammer that was his trademark and pointed it at Samus. “But I…I have the love of the people.”

“And where there’s love, there’s money,” said Samus coldly, pushing the hammer away slowly.

“Brute strength is out, mah-boy!” said Dedede, regaining his calm swagger. “Everything is held together with sex and cash, the only gods worth a damn in a place like this.”

The secretary poked her head in to the room. “De, baby, your appointment’s here.”

“I’ll be right there,” Dedede replied calmly. Turning to Luigi, he continued. “Look, I love that hot little princess of yours, and her disappearance is not…farin’ too well for me and mine. You go get your brother. Then we’ll talk. Your reputation would do a helluva lotta good for a place like this.”

Luigi sighed hesitantly. “Mario…he’s-“

“Yeah, I know,” Dedede replied, understandingly. “I tell you what, Luigi…the only thing a man like your brother needs is…a little pick-me-up to…get the ol’ blood boilin’.”

- - - -

“How’s-a business?” asked Mario. He and Pauline sat at the bar, so that Pauline could still seem to be working.

“People are afraid to come out at night,” she said solemnly. “We’re just as afraid of Link and his cops as we are of the turf war.

“That fairy…” Mario replied, making some effort to seem confident. “He thinks-a he owns these streets.”

“People might start feeling safe again if you started coming back by…”

Mario was no longer paying attention to her, though; he had eyes, angry ones, for the powerful gorilla with the velvet-red tie that stood behind her. “What’s-a HE doing here!?”

Pauline turned around to look, and to Mario’s expressed surprise, smiled as Donkey Kong put his arm around the woman he had kidnapped so long ago. “Oh, Mario…”she sighed. “What, did you expect me to wait for you?”

Frustration that had nothing to do with the lack of quality in his beer coursed through Mario. The sight of his ex and his old arch-nemesis, stacked upon the events of the preceding days, was enough to make him shatter his bottle and brandish it as a crude shiv. The bar filled with silence at the sound of shattered glass. He made the first move as Pauline backed away. Mario swiped, but the gorilla was too swift; he parried the blow, launching the bottle from his hands. Kong’s accomplice, Diddy, made to assist his uncle, but Kong shied him away, and punched Mario. Their Brawl had only begun.

- - - -

“Sir, it’s…” the busty secretary interrupted Luigi and Dedede again, a look that expressed the impatience of the waiting party on her face.

“Yeah,” Dedede said. Addressing Luigi, he continued, “it’s not good to keep an…important man waiting.

“Have some drinks on me…the both of you.”

As they exited, Luigi and Samus exchanged looks. “How do you feel?” Samus said, worried.

“…conflicted,” he replied apprehensively. “You know him better- than I do. If he could win this-a war, he would gain-a power…would it be-a worth it?”

She sighed. “Hard to say, sugar…he’s disgusting, but he’s no tyrant. Might not be such a bad thing.”

“Where’s De, there’s a fight!”

The barmaid entered almost as if from nowhere, an expression of panic on her face. Luigi finally had enough time to recognize her…but of course, it was her! Pauline!

It seemed as if she had recognized him, too, for she said to him ”It’s your brother!.

Panicked, Luigi ran after her.

- - - -

By the time they had arrived, the battle had already escalated. Mario’s face was painted crimson, and the knux on Kong’s knuckles matched the shade. Mario backed the gorilla against a wall and elbowed him. Kong retaliated by shoving him away and throwing a barrel at him, knocking him over. That blow seemed to have done the most damage, and Kong made no effort to hide his glee; Beating his chest and posing for all to see, he growled triumphantly.

But this would be his final mistake. A thunderous crack reverberated as Mario slammed the hammer repeatedly into the back of Kong’s head, in some perverted, disgusting parody of wack-a-mole. Diddy ran to check on his now-down uncle, but it was too late. Donkey Kong seems to be beyond hope.

“Bro-“

“GET OFF-A ME!”

The shout reverberated. If Mario had even once cared that he had actually nearly killed a man, his rage-filled face did not express it as he shoved Luigi away. “I’LL FIGHT EVERY FUCKER IN THIS KINGDOM…UNTIL I FIND MY WOMAN!”

Sirens pierced the short silence, shaking the bar’s patrons back into reality. They all heard the bullhorn warning loud-and-clear.

“THIS IS THE MUSHROOM KINGDOM POLICE. PUT DOWN YOUR WEAPONS.”

Panic broke out as every patron ran in seemingly random directions. Luigi watched as policemen ran in, detaining everyone in sight, including a blond, spiky-haired officer ramming a patron into a pillar. Mario, it seemed, had simply walked out uncaring.

Luigi did not notice Marth Walking in, and only realized when he was pulled away by the spandex-covered hand of Samus. It made sense to check on the only Don that had shown them confidence, true confidence.

But what was seen beyond the shawl was not the penguin. Cries and shrieks echoed from the women of Dedede’s court as they saw it, and Luigi felt as if the world was ending.

Standing within the pile od entrails and insides that Luigi knew once wobbled around gently in Dedede’s vast body was his trademark star-painted hammer, as resolute as its now-slaughtered owner had stood in life.

To Be Continued…

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Re: There Will Be Brawl - The Novelization (Ep 5 up!)

Post  Spontaneous Combustion on Sun Nov 22, 2009 1:44 pm

I enjoyed this. It was fun to see your versions of scenes which can be interpreted in many ways.
However, I'll give you some constructive criticism:

First off, I was greatly distracted by the multiple use of the word "ass". With a writing style like this, using swear words in narrative text feels pretty awkward and unintentionally funny. Of course, there's nothing wrong with it being present in dialogue, but the narrative text is supposed to feel a little more neutral.
Secondly, I would have made the scene changes a bit more descriptive. The changes between the Mario and Luigi scenes at the end are a bit abrupt.

Otherwise, nice work.

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Re: There Will Be Brawl - The Novelization (Ep 5 up!)

Post  MENTOK the MINDTAKER on Mon Nov 23, 2009 12:07 am

And now if for whatever reason people can't watch the episodes (which seems to be an on/off problem) on the internet they can read the novel. Very Happy

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Re: There Will Be Brawl - The Novelization (Ep 5 up!)

Post  Cena on Mon Nov 23, 2009 12:09 am

Thanks, Spontaneous - it helps a lot. And thanks for the vote of confidence, Mentok.

Episode 1 coming soon!

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Re: There Will Be Brawl - The Novelization (Ep 5 up!)

Post  MENTOK the MINDTAKER on Mon Nov 23, 2009 12:11 am

No worries Cena, keep it up! cheers

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Re: There Will Be Brawl - The Novelization (Ep 5 up!)

Post  Bickendan on Mon Nov 23, 2009 3:46 am

This was an enjoyable read, but it felt far too short for what the footage showed. The narration does an adequate job of telling what happened; I think it could do much more. Given that the video is about 17 minutes long, the screenplay would be about 17 pages long. While the formatting between narrative and screenplay are vastly different, the prose should be at least 17 pages as well.

Taking the very simple transition scene where Daisy dies:
Code:
                                            FADE TO BLACK
BLACKNESS

                            DAISY
                Luigi, help me.

                            LUIGI
                Daisy?!

                            DAISY
                Luigi, help me!

A blood-curdling scream.
                                            CUT TO
INT. GANON'S HIDEOUT - DAY
Compare to:
There was only silence. Until a weak female voice echoed in the black. “Luigi…help me…”

“Daisy!?” he called out.

“Luigi?” the voice called again. “Help me…!”

And then, a scream. And silence reigned again.

While what we see doesn't provide any visual detail to help with the narrative, the dialogue does. It carries enormous weight, and the narrative must reflect that or the scene falls flat. Starting with the initial transition, here's how it could go:

"Let him welcome the darkness!"

Luigi turned for the ship's hatch, his business with the madman concluded. He had the vials, Ganon's errand at an end. The sooner he left, the better. The sense of unease, the dread was building on its slow crescendo, threatening to come to a climatic swell, and Luigi had no intention of hearing it to the end.

"When the princess dies," Olimar continued casually, wiping a gloved hand on a rag lying prone on the counter. The hand closed on the cloth. Luigi stopped, the crescendo of dread gaining momentum. Yet he was unable to turn away, the spaceman's words anchoring him down. The princess wouldn't, couldn't die. His attempts to save her, the kingdom, would not, could not be in vain. "The kingdom crumbles. And you will beg for death--" Olimar stood-- "as the beast feasts upon you--" he was closer, behind, each word emphasized, the crescendo starting its fast, exponential climax-- "in that darkness!"

Luigi started, the madman's hand shooting in front of his mouth, the cloth clamping down. Chloroform. Luigi struggled, fighting the darkness clouding his vision, dragging him down, down into the abyss, the end of days, the madman's laughter drowning him.

"Luigi?" Her voice was injured. Plaintive. "Help me..." What had the cannibal done? The horror, his love's anguish wrenched his gut.

"Daisy?!" If only she could hang on a moment longer; help was close at hand. The cannibal wouldn't--

"Luigi!" It was too late; Kirby was there. The cannibal struck. "Help me!" Panic and pain filled Daisy's voice, her blood curdling scream as she died shot into the air, snapping Luigi back into consciousness.

Ganondorf turned, regarding the disoriented Mario brother with a bemused glance. ...

Now, I'm looking forward to Ep 1 Wink

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Re: There Will Be Brawl - The Novelization (Ep 5 up!)

Post  Cena on Mon Nov 23, 2009 12:04 pm

Bickendan wrote:<eloquent constructive criticism>

Now, I'm looking forward to Ep 1 Wink

Man, now I feel stupid. ><

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Re: There Will Be Brawl - The Novelization (Ep 5 up!)

Post  Bickendan on Mon Nov 23, 2009 12:18 pm

Don't Wink

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Re: There Will Be Brawl - The Novelization (Ep 5 up!)

Post  MarieNomad on Mon Dec 14, 2009 9:19 am

Where can I find the novelizations?

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Re: There Will Be Brawl - The Novelization (Ep 5 up!)

Post  Smashy B on Mon Dec 14, 2009 2:58 pm

MarieNomad wrote:Where can I find the novelizations?
In this thread maybe?

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Re: There Will Be Brawl - The Novelization (Ep 5 up!)

Post  Cena on Mon Dec 14, 2009 2:59 pm

If you mean physically published copies, it's not gonna happen. I'm just writing these for fun. ^^

This thread is where you can find them.

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Re: There Will Be Brawl - The Novelization (Ep 5 up!)

Post  DRTJR on Mon Dec 14, 2009 3:00 pm

the usual exelence we expect from this Forum GOOD JOB

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Re: There Will Be Brawl - The Novelization (Ep 5 up!)

Post  DarkFalco on Mon Dec 14, 2009 4:03 pm

DRTJR wrote:the usual exelence we expect from this Forum GOOD JOB

XD sorry couldn't help but notice you spelled excellence wrong...just seemed rather ironic Razz

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Re: There Will Be Brawl - The Novelization (Ep 5 up!)

Post  Smashy B on Mon Dec 14, 2009 4:21 pm

DarkFalco wrote:
DRTJR wrote:the usual exelence we expect from this Forum GOOD JOB

XD sorry couldn't help but notice you spelled excellence wrong...just seemed rather ironic Razz
DarkFalco wrote:oh well....guess i can't blaim you Razz

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Re: There Will Be Brawl - The Novelization (Ep 5 up!)

Post  DarkFalco on Mon Dec 14, 2009 4:48 pm

nice smashbro XD

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Re: There Will Be Brawl - The Novelization (Ep 5 up!)

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