Greatest Ad EVER!

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Greatest Ad EVER!

Post  JGH27 on Fri Sep 18, 2009 12:31 pm

So basically here's the deal, I'm moving to Calgary in 1 year with my buddy Bryan and possibly a few others. We have been working on budgets and stuff like that (we'll be doing the 3-4 day drive there) and so we decided to look at housing options. We think we found the greatest place ever to live lmao. Here was the ad:

"Looking for laid back/fun people who are both responsible and courteous… House is located on Penswood road S.E., in the neighborhood of Penbrooke - NICEST GHETTO EVER!!!

It is on the inside corner of memorial drive and 68th street and is on a very quiet street, away from all the traffic and noise of the big city but is still located just mere minutes from everything you need… 12 minute drive to downtown, 6 minute drive to Foothills Industrial Park, 5 minute drive to Marlborough Mall. Also close to: Walmart (24 hours), Tim Hortons (24 hours), Rona, Golds Gym (24 hours), Safeway, and BDB Martial Arts.

You are only a two minute walk to the Penbrooke bus station, if you are a person who doesn’t have a car you will still have access to anywhere in the city by just walking down the block. There are about 12 different bus routes that can take you to wherever you need to go. As an added bonus before you hop on the bus, you can walk across the street to the strip mall and do some light shopping or grab a bite to eat. This strip mall includes: Atlas Pizza, blockbuster video, Macs (24 hours - with Subway), Dairy Queen, a walk-in medical clinic, a shoppers drug mart, a dental office, a dollar store, etc, etc, etc, blah, blah, blah… Instead of me rambling on about it lets just both agree that you’ll like it?!!

You will be getting a fresh start in a newly painted suite - it has been painted a mushroom basket color with white trim and base boards, it looks really nice and it gives the house really comfortable feel…

The common area includes a spacious living room, a small dining area, and a kitchen with an island. You can come home from a long day at work and make grill cheese sandwiches and pound back mountain dew after mountain dew while you hang out on the couch and watch Beavis and Butthead episodes... You can do this for 4 hours straight until you go into insulin shock and have to go to bed.

Imagine waking up and sitting down at the kitchen table to read the morning paper while you sip on your coffee and eat your eggs and bacon. Also imagine cooking the same old, boring thing over and over and over again, day in and day out because you are not creative enough to cook anything else. You just wake up everyday hoping that you can meet that one special person who does all the cooking for you and changes your eating patterns forever...
Tell you what... If you rent from me I swear I will buy you a cookbook.


The backyard has a huge brick patio with a BBQ and many places to sit down if you have a couple of guests you would like to share your god-awful, burnt cooking with. You and your friends can sit around on a warm night and bitch about your jobs as you douse your torched food in Worchester sauce to drown out the taste of your carcinogenic little meat treat. And after you’re done with dinner you can sit around the firepit and roast marshmellows. As luck would have it, you drip sticky marshmellow goo all over your favourite shirt. You will storm into the house pissed off because now you have to wash it but oh well… Be more careful next time jack-ass!!

The rent includes all utilities (gas, electric, water) and includes cable television and internet. I am looking for a sensible, responsible person who enjoys living with other people and is respectful of others. The atmosphere in the house is laid back and I am looking for someone who will be a good fit. If this sounds like you then I am sooo looking forward to meeting you, send me a message and we can talk."

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Re: Greatest Ad EVER!

Post  xXkawai_baka_420Xx on Fri Sep 18, 2009 4:34 pm

"If you rent from me I swear I will buy you a cookbook"

Fucking win.

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Re: Greatest Ad EVER!

Post  Sanosukesama on Fri Sep 18, 2009 5:15 pm

Hopefully you're not posting any longer on this thread & are on the phone calling this person back to arrange a moving date Razz Best ad evar

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Re: Greatest Ad EVER!

Post  Smashy B on Fri Sep 18, 2009 5:47 pm

Sold! Where do I sign?

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Re: Greatest Ad EVER!

Post  Chaeley on Fri Sep 18, 2009 6:47 pm

Well, geez, they had me at the 24-hour Walmart.

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Re: Greatest Ad EVER!

Post  Sanosukesama on Fri Sep 18, 2009 9:11 pm

^ Truth. Razz Where there's a 24 hour Walmart, there's a way.

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Re: Greatest Ad EVER!

Post  JGH27 on Sat Sep 19, 2009 11:19 pm

"And after you’re done with dinner you can sit around the firepit and roast marshmellows. As luck would have it, you drip sticky marshmellow goo all over your favourite shirt. You will storm into the house pissed off because now you have to wash it but oh well… Be more careful next time jack-ass!!"

This is SOOO me lol

When I move to Calgary I'm looking this guy up just to shake his hand

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Re: Greatest Ad EVER!

Post  Smashy B on Sun Sep 20, 2009 1:18 am

You should get a picture of him and frame it.

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Re: Greatest Ad EVER!

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